Phew, I had to go for a walk before I responded to this one. I have had the misfortune of growing up in a very liberal and tolerant area where I tons of sexy, comfortable straight friends. Growing up I had crushes on boys all the time but it wasnt an issue until I got to high school and I literally fell in love with a guy who wasnt/could not be interested in me, twice. They were both my respective best friends. One was striaght, the other is/was bi curious max. I loved these boys to the point where I was willing to give up my life for them. I did illegal and fucked up things because I would do anything for them and thought they were worth it. The one broke my heart because he lead me to believe we could possibly be together one day, the other cared about me too much to be an ass like the other one was to me, but in the process he hurt me just as bad by caring and loving me as much as he did, but teasing me by straddling the line of lover and just a friend.
14-18 Those were the hardest years of my life but I got through it. I confided in my close friends and sometimes I confided in strangers (because my friends were friends/acquainted with these guys too and strangers would be unbiased.) I built a support network of people who cared about me and I let my emotion out (and thats not something I usually do, my BF hates that about me) and I found ways to vent my frustrations. Its not easy, and it still happens to me today, it never gets any easier. I crushed on my boss at Domino’s like this last summer and my roomate the summer before that. Its unfortunate, it hurts, but its normal. HMU if you ever wanna talk about some coping methods :)